tImE

Last night I was crying and sadly I didn’t know the reason. It’s like my tears just needed to fall. I think it’s also called pain. Before I was playful, it was easier to play than get played. Elders say it is still natural because I am still young. No need to be so serious and it’s not right to be serious yet. I thought they are only obsessions, this feelings for them. Why? Because I never get used to not having all the things I wanted. I’m really a stubborn one, though my parents did not spoil me at all. “If there’s a will there’s a way.” And believe me people tend to have plenty of excuses when it comes to thing they don’t want. Once my friend said “People hate responsibilities because they fear admitting mistakes.” Now that my 23rd birthday is just around the corner and I’m not getting any younger, I proudly say that I now understand. I understand that those are not obsessions. I have loved them but not the way they expect me to love them. How can I tell? You know that SMILE when you thought of something good, I have that smile when I suddenly thought of them. But maybe because I inflicted pain in someways they tend to forget about me. Well that’s what we do to people who make us cry. We forget. I think if that person really did played a part in your heart you will never forget about them. I believe there’s still a child inside me. But there’s more of an adult than there is a child. Not because I’m already 23 but because I did grew up early. I see life as it is as early as 8 years old. I see the road towards mistakes and forgiveness. I see the road to understanding and forcefully understanding things as they are. I did discover a lot. If you wanted to write something on the pages of your book of life, take the risk. Do all things you wanted to do so you would not have regrets. If there are no risk there are no choices and choices makes life colorful and meaningful. Someday in someways I would have to write the ending of my life’s story, I wanted it to be simple as ” I have done all the things I wanted to do and now I’m happy to rest.”

Archived date: March 27, 2007

thE rEst Of my lifE?

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Do you think it is true? Just lately I’ve realize that I’m about to start the rest of my life. Not with whom but with what? I’m not going to get married or anything?! The people who will mostly react on this quote would be the ones who are getting married, but not me. I’ll be beginning my life towards being a total independent woman. Next week I’ll be moving out of my father’s house. I’ll be staying with my new found friends. We decided to move in even though we just known each other for only a few months. And to tell you frankly I’m a bit scared. But never the less I still need to face my fears. I can’t be dependent to my parents every time. People say I’m independent enough, that I could come up and decide all things by myself. But I’m currently in a foreign country with no one to ask help to. I just pray and hope that I can surpass this alone.

Of all things, I know, I always tend to forget HIM. He always gives me strength, courage, and wisdom so that I could move on without stumbling too much. I got a lot to learn about life.

Now the rest of my life is going to start and I’m going to start it with the special people with me. I wish us all the best on this road we choose to take. I’m happy I’ll be traveling down this road with the both of you.

Archived date: July 1, 2007

fOUr sEAsOns

Winter She Was,
For She Was Frozen,
For She Was Cold,
For She Was Casual,
For She Was Sporadic,
For She Was Periodic,
For She Was Temporary,
Winter She Was, Twilight.

Spring He Was,
For He Was Rapid,
For He Was Elastic,
For He Was Bound,
For He Was Force,
For He Was Vital,
For He Was Direct,
Spring He Was, Grasp.

Summer He Was,
For He Was Happy,
For He Was Heat,
For He Was Cordial,
For He Was Tropic,
For He Was Sun,
For He Was Seasonal,

Summer He Was, Prime.
Autumn She Was,
For She Was Climax,
For She Was Success,
For She Was Mature,
For She Was Late,
For She Was Equinox,
For She Was Culminate,
Autumn She Was, Vigorous.

Archived date: May 16, 2007

sEcOnd grEAt

Kay sakit naman isipin na sa puso mo ako’y pangalawa.
Sa tuwing makikita na kachat mo siya pinipikit ang aking mata.
Sa mga gabing sya’y kausap mo halos hindi ako makahinga.
Kayakap ko ay bote ng Chivas at nagmumok sa lamesa.

Ano ang ating lagay o hindi mapalagay.
Ako’y nasasaktan pag sya’y kausap.
Sya ngayon, ako’y bukas sa makalawa’y sya nanaman.
Kung pwede nga lang gusto kong mapasaakin ka at nakawin sa kanya.

Sa puso ko’y nag iisa kahit na merong kasamang iba
kahit hindi na tama ang aking mga gingawa basta makasama lang kita
At kung sayo’y isang pangamba na ika’y kalimutan ko na
Ngayon palang sinasabi ko na ito’y hindi ko kaya.

Masakit mang isipin, ito’y reyalidad ng buhay natin.
Ako’y sa pangarap at sya’y sa pagmulat.
Nakikihati sa atensyon at pagmamahal.
Alam ko man nung una pa na ito ang kalalabasan nating.

Pinigil ang sarili ngunit ako’y tao rin lang naman.
Marunonog umibig, marunonog masaktan
Kahit pa alam kong ang lahat ng ginagawa ko’y hindi magbubunga
Pinili ko paring maging maligaya

Ang sitwasyong nating ito ngayon ay malapit na sa hanganan
Mahirap isuko, isang bagay na alam mo namang pinaghirapang
Na sa maikling panahon lamang
Habang buhay sa iyo’y mabibigay ngiti

Archived date: January 5, 2008

A Gangster’s Prayer

Heavenly father, please hear me tonight. I need so much guidance to live my life right. Sometimes the pressure is so hard to bear. I often wonder if anyone cares. How can I wake up and face the new day, knowing i must live my life this crazy way? Heavenly Father, forgive all my sins.

Give me strength to resist the wild life I desire. Help me escape temptation and the fire. Please help my family whose eyes silently plead for me not to do wrong and they pray for me. God bless our mothers who cry every night, worrying we’ll be killed by someone in a fight.

Heavenly Father, please answer my prayers. Please let me know that you’re listening up there. When will it end? What’s it all for? To prove my homies I’m down; I’m Hardcore?” Sometimes I wonder how i will die… By a bullet wound or a knife in my side? Heavenly Father, please hear me tonight.

Show me the way, Lord; Show me the light. Give my heart peace so I won’t have to fight. Thank you for your forgiveness and for still being there. Most of all thank you for hearing my prayer.

Was going through my old stuff and saw this. I’m pretty sure i got it from somewhere.

Archived date: November 28, 2008